Our wedding has come...

...and gone. it was a wonderful time and experience. I will take time soon to write on how it all went. Just wanted to update you all on what has taken place already

Nigerian Dates

Alot of you have commented on my posts published earlier with words of prayer and encouragement. I am proud to have friends like you.

Today I am going to talk about dates as are commonly found in our Nigerian society. If a lady and and a guy are dating regularly they are said to be "going out". So you hear statements like, "Jude is going out with Evelyn," or who ever is involved. A guy would have to "ask the lady out" to initiate the dating process. Sometimes, instead of the phrase "going out", you would hear people say "He is asking her out." The man that has asked a lady out is also said to have "toasted" her - though I believe some female folks find that word offensive.

Normally the couple "going out" would hang out together alone or in the company of friends at his place, hers or her parents' or even his parents' place.

Nigeria has many tribes (over 250) with distinct customs and traditions with regards to the their way of life and paradigms, however now there is a noticeably homogeneous blend in the different cultures. When Nigerians talk about dates or marriages, the first question you'd hear is "where is he from?" That is a way of understanding how the person would behave in the marriage or when you are dating.

Another thing that could be a factor in the dating process is the financial status of the man (or his family) and in some cases, the lady's. Parents who notice a lady's interest in a man would want to know how he is doing financially, what he does for a living and so on. Some parents would be scared if their son is involved with a lady from a wealthy family.

Different things keep the dating process alive till marriage. I believe personal convictions play a major role. A friend of ours went for a bridal shower and heard the bride-to-be say the reason she believed he was "the one" was because of all the men she had dated, he was the best in bed!

My convictions where based on the answers to prayers we've had as we started "going out" in January 2006. Being from two different ethnic groups (She is Idoma from Benue State, while I am Berom from Plateau State), our parents had their reservations. It was the period of prayers together for our acceptance in each others families that has brought us to this point. When I wrote my list, I believed God was guiding me in thoughts and action. We prayed togehter before we decided to start a relationship. Even with these answers to prayers, it was difficult to stay focused on what we had. We have had our fair share of troubles along the way that would have ended the relationship. In our distress we each took turns in keeping the relationship alive by praying for each other affirmatively.

One thing that made me happy all through was the fact that we kept ourselvs until marriage. We are greatful to the spiritual mentors in our lives that God has used to guide us through words of advice and prayer. It was settled in our hearts ahead that sex before marriage could be disastrous for the people involved. These are my convictions and I believe most of my friends share the same.

The kind of relationship you develop with a Nigerian would depend on the anchor you both share, and religion can play a major part in determining that anchor.

Feel free to post your comments here. Next, we will talk about the next stage of the courting process known as "introduction"

How it all started for us

It was a chilly October evening of 2005 and I had visited with a long time friend of mine, Tee-Y. We had spent some time in his room talking about life and dreams. Our families had been neighbours since 1986 when they moved in to our neighbourhood called Ndagi Faruk Close situated along Tafawa Balewa Street in Jos; my uncle had been leaving there for about five years by the time I came to live with him after the demise of my father in 1979. After Tee-Y's family had stayed a while, Lash the eldest brother became popular because he had a bicycle, and all the boys in the ungwa (neighbourhood) wanted to become his friend so they could have a chance to ride his bike. I didn’t really like him much because I felt the attention he got was making him proud so I rarely asked for a ride or became his friend.

Their family eventually moved to the University of Jos Senior Staff Quarters since the parents were both members of the university staff. A year or so later, my uncle moved to the New legislators Quarters (he was no legislator, but a retired civil servant!), which was close to where they had moved to. My relationship with the family grew and we started exchanging letters with Lash since he was in unijos studying Zoology and I was in Abubakar Tafawa Balewa University in Bauchi, studying Electrical and Electronics Engineering. The correspondences continued after our graduation and even after I decided after our National Youth Service Corps to become a missionary. His other siblings joined in the correspondence eventually and I would visit to chat with any of them as we exchanged ideas.

This particular October evening, I was at the house to visit, Lash wasn’t home but Tee-Y was so we spent time talking. I had left the missionary group I was with and was thinking of picking up a job some where and also moving into business especially online. Toyin knew some stuff about business ideas and proposal writing so we connected along these lines. As he was seeing me off to the one-room apartment I shared with my former class buddy Uzo, a young lady approached us and stopped to say hello to Tee-Y and told him about a speaking engagement she had where she had to speak in Hausa a language understood by several people in Jos and of which she could speak little of. Tee-Y was studying for his Masters Degree in Architecture and his house was like a consulting room where his junior colleagues always came for clarification and assistance with their drawings – she struck me as one of those until she mentioned something about speaking engagement. I had always wanted to be a motivational speaker as part of my business plans. I wanted to meet her so I could learn about how she conducted her business as she spoke from place to place and all, so Tee-Y promised to introduce us.

We met some weeks later and exchanged ideas about books and stuff we felt we connected on. Then we started seeing each other and I started wondering if we were not getting too close and she also pointed her fears to me. I felt I was too old for her to have any form of intimate relationship with her – I was about ten years older than her. Then I stumbled upon my list; I had written a list a few months ago describing the type of woman I wanted to meet, have a relationship and eventually marry her – she met over 90 per cent of my criteria for the ideal woman. Besides, our prayers for each other concerning our future together seemed to get answered almost effortlessly that I had no doubt she was meant for me.

In 2006 January 7th, Ene agreed to walk this life’s path with me. It’s been almost three years now and I feel in my spirit that its time to walk down the aisle with her. Last year on my birthday 27th October 2007, I prayed to God asking Him to give me a birthday present for 2008 – Ene as my wife. Staying together however, is a matter of choice for both of us and since our convictions do not seem to tell us otherwise, we have both decided to tie the knot. Weddings in Nigeria can be financially stressful but Ene is willing to support me in making our dream home together a reality. I still feel deep within my spirit that she’s the perfect wife for me.

This weblog is for you my friends for your support and prayers. The idea is to share struggles and victories through the work of the Holy Spirit. I’d appreciate your comments and prayers. I want to read this blog after the 25th of October this year and heave a sigh of relief knowing that God has children who are willing to cry out to him for comfort and support on behalf of others.

I will post stuff here as we move closer to the wedding date (25th of October 2008) and beyond to let you know how things are taking shape. Thank you for taking your time to read this post.

Nigerian weddings

Hey! Welcome to my blog. I will be posting stuff on Nigerian weddings here and I would love you to pass your comments on any of my posts.

I will talk about Nigerian dates, courtship and weddings. Nigerian weddings can be so time and money consuming. Believe me, if you want to marry a Nigerian woman you need to plan way ahead of time. This is not to scare you but to prepare you. I will be using our preparation as a case study. I am not saying mine would be a very good example of a typical Nigerian wedding but it can serve as a guideline to what can be expected, especially for those new to our lovely culture.

Weddings in Nigeria actually vary depending on the lady's tribe and religious background. It would not be easy talking about the differences across tribes - so what I am going to do is to pick out general trends and mention some tribes that emphasize them more.

I am not an expert in knowing all the tribes in Nigeria, but I have attended several weddings across the Country. Except for religious differences, the wedding plans would have to factor in the lady's tribal group. For instance, we have three major tribes in the country (besides hundreds of others that speak completely different languages from any of the major three and have distinct customs): Hausa in the Northern part, Igbo in the east and Yoruba in the west. If an Igbo man met a Hausa lady and wanted to marry her, he would have to do so according to the Hausa custom or tradition irrespective of where the wedding would be conducted.

For the moslem population, religion tends to completely overshadow culture and traditions; so weddings would be done strictly according to Islamic rites, which would make it alot similar to those found in many other moslem countries.

Not so for the Christian population. Most Christians would pass through traditional wedding, Registry wedding before Church (or white) wedding.

Drop your comments if you have any. thanks