Nigerian Dates

Alot of you have commented on my posts published earlier with words of prayer and encouragement. I am proud to have friends like you.

Today I am going to talk about dates as are commonly found in our Nigerian society. If a lady and and a guy are dating regularly they are said to be "going out". So you hear statements like, "Jude is going out with Evelyn," or who ever is involved. A guy would have to "ask the lady out" to initiate the dating process. Sometimes, instead of the phrase "going out", you would hear people say "He is asking her out." The man that has asked a lady out is also said to have "toasted" her - though I believe some female folks find that word offensive.

Normally the couple "going out" would hang out together alone or in the company of friends at his place, hers or her parents' or even his parents' place.

Nigeria has many tribes (over 250) with distinct customs and traditions with regards to the their way of life and paradigms, however now there is a noticeably homogeneous blend in the different cultures. When Nigerians talk about dates or marriages, the first question you'd hear is "where is he from?" That is a way of understanding how the person would behave in the marriage or when you are dating.

Another thing that could be a factor in the dating process is the financial status of the man (or his family) and in some cases, the lady's. Parents who notice a lady's interest in a man would want to know how he is doing financially, what he does for a living and so on. Some parents would be scared if their son is involved with a lady from a wealthy family.

Different things keep the dating process alive till marriage. I believe personal convictions play a major role. A friend of ours went for a bridal shower and heard the bride-to-be say the reason she believed he was "the one" was because of all the men she had dated, he was the best in bed!

My convictions where based on the answers to prayers we've had as we started "going out" in January 2006. Being from two different ethnic groups (She is Idoma from Benue State, while I am Berom from Plateau State), our parents had their reservations. It was the period of prayers together for our acceptance in each others families that has brought us to this point. When I wrote my list, I believed God was guiding me in thoughts and action. We prayed togehter before we decided to start a relationship. Even with these answers to prayers, it was difficult to stay focused on what we had. We have had our fair share of troubles along the way that would have ended the relationship. In our distress we each took turns in keeping the relationship alive by praying for each other affirmatively.

One thing that made me happy all through was the fact that we kept ourselvs until marriage. We are greatful to the spiritual mentors in our lives that God has used to guide us through words of advice and prayer. It was settled in our hearts ahead that sex before marriage could be disastrous for the people involved. These are my convictions and I believe most of my friends share the same.

The kind of relationship you develop with a Nigerian would depend on the anchor you both share, and religion can play a major part in determining that anchor.

Feel free to post your comments here. Next, we will talk about the next stage of the courting process known as "introduction"